Unrealistic Expectations

Before becoming a Wife & Mother I had all these ideas of what I thought a good Wife & Mother were.  I had ideas of what my life would be like...and then I actually became a Wife & Mother.

I would be in restruants with children who were crying & screaming and think, "Seriously...can you not control your child?  My children will NEVER act like that!".

Now people look at me the same way in restruarants whenever Jackson decides he can't be bothered to sit down or eat or act like a human being. 

I would hear children whining & think...."If you wouldn't give them everything they want, they wouldn't be so whiney." 

 Now my child whines regardless of what I do & I know people think I just give him what he wants & I don't discipline him. 

I would hear women talk to their husbands & think "Why is he even with her?".

Now I say rude & hurtful things to my Husband & think "Why does he even put up with me?".

I would see women looking a hot mess & think "Well, obviously she is lazy & doesn't have it together."

Then I became a Mother & now I look a hot mess atleast 3 days out of a week.

I had all these ideas of days spent playing with my ALWAYS sweet, helpful, polite, kind, OBEDIENT child.  I never thought about days when he would throw tantrums, tell me "NO!!" to EVERYTHING, cry, stay up all night, & be mean to other kids.  I guess when you are pregnant for the first time you just think about your sweet baby & how you can't wait for them to be here.  You are blind to all the hard things.

Isn't life funny?  I believe my God has a sense of humor & all those times I was judging Mothers He was smiling knowing that soon enough I would have Jackson.  Becoming a Wife & Mother has taught me humility.  I NEEDED it.  It's amazing how much you know about parenting before you actually are a parent.  I am incredibly hard on myself and now that I (kind of) actually know what being a Wife & Mother is like I try to give myself a little slack & know that I can't be everything & do it all (regardless of how bad I would LOVE to).

These past 2 years of being a Mother have changed me immensly.  It has softened my heart, brought me closer to God (I wouldn't have made it otherwise..haha), and taught me a lot about myself. 

I'm so thankful for Jerry & Jackson.  They have both made me grow up A LOT & learn to put others before myself.  I also needed to learn service & I sure have!  I needed to learn patience & I sure have!  I needed to learn to shut my BIG mouth sometimes & I sure have!  I needed to learn to rely on God & I sure have! 

I also think it's funny how bad Jerry & I want a large family.  If you would have told me that a few years ago & I would have slapped you.  God's plan is so much better than our own. 

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book  

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:16

Now a days, I'm actually really thankful for those hard days...it makes the good ones so much sweeter....and how could you not love this sweet, beautiful face?